Dear Tori,
I am writing you this letter from a place of love. Ever since April 24, 2020 you have not been you. The receival of a disrespectful and inaccurate email from your original business partners lawyer blind-sided you and left you feeling; angry, betrayed, hurt, upset, sad, disrespected, devalued, used and violated. You began to replay the feeling you had to say “no” the day she asked you in 2016 to be your co-founder…yet “yes” rolled off your lips in an effort to be a “good friend”. You have been replaying over and over again every time you said yes in that 5 year relationship although you knew you should have said no.
As the present you I am here to help you repair your relationship with you—but before I do that my ask is that you’re open to what I have to say…
Ready?…Tori, you are stuck in 2020 although we are nearing the end of 2022. && I know part of that is because the legalities are still on-going but part of it is your inability to forgive you.
Forgive you for; being a people pleaser, not setting boundaries, thinking you can’t do it alone, silencing your voice, reducing the amount of space you took up, staying behind the scenes, neglecting your health, not listening to your intuition and allowing someone to get between your relationship with God.
Your current feelings are valid…but she is not the reason you feel that way–it’s you.
My first ask of you is that you release her from the blame, release her from having ownership of your feelings, release her from having authority in your life.
I N H A L E–I know it’s hard, E X H A L E–but I know you can do it
I N H A L E–I know they hurt you, E X H A L E–but you’re hurting you by not letting go,
I N H A L E–I know what it has cost you, E X H A L E–but what is it costing me (your future self)?
I’ll tell you what it’s costing me; my peace, my health, my friendships, my finances, my self-esteem, my joy, my creativity, my freedom and my purpose.
Being in your feelings the last 2.5 years has cost you time that you will never get back. The 32-33 year old version of you missed out on truly experiencing you…the you that I remember you to be. And yes you’ve lost the first 2 months of 34 but the next 10 months can look completely different…if you allow yourself to surrender and be present.
With that being said my second ask is that you stop living so far in the future in an effort to control outcomes and avoid being hurt again. You are not GOD–Thank God! Allow yourself to be in the moment, appreciative of what’s in front of you, open to what the day unfolds, open to miracles.
Remember it was your Faith & Obedience that got you the successful business, loving husband and world shifting creative ideas. It was not control, will, force, strategy or avoidance.
And finally my ask of you is to get clear on what you truly want, not what your family wants, not what others deem success, not what your colleagues want…but what YOU want.
Think about what genuinely brings you joy and write it down…and take it a step further and write how it makes you feel.
Ex: I love to travel the world because it makes me feel like I am in the places I dreamt of as a little girl. It makes me feel connected to different cultures and people and it makes me feel free from control.
This list may change as you change…however once you get to a good place to stop on your list…only say yes to people, opportunities, experiences, and places that align with the feeling the things you love give you.
I know you probably weren’t expecting to receive this letter from me today–or ever. But I knew you needed to hear from someone who loves you, who has your best interest at heart, and who understands what you’re going through.
I love you–deeply
Tori
P.S. Covid-19 is still here…and this year is all about 90’s fashion–I know right!?
Founder of women’s empowerment community The Colored Girl & Co-Founder of The 20Ninth a community centered around travel and connections for couples. Tori’s interest in luxury travel, lifestyle and design stems from her background as a celebrity wardrobe stylist, event planner and novice interior designer.
